For your convenience and against mine, I have anticipated questions that you, the reader, may have below.
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Q: Why in the hell are you doing these things to a car under warranty?
A: That’s a great question. Why indeed! The answer is because warranties are for pussies. They scream “I don’t have confidence in the brand I purchased, and therefore I need a nice, soft pillow to fall on WHEN things break.” Real men go out and buy cars with known oiling issues and pistons that want to break through their horizontally opposed prisons and say hello to the world. No…truthfully warranties are wonderful and the wise thing would have been to wait until mine expired and do what I have done. However, I want horsepower and I want it now!
Q: How much horsepower does that Corolla have?
A: I see what you did there. Cute. It’s actually not a Corolla. Didn’t you see that badass wing? It’s functional you know…. My Subaru is only putting down about 305 wheel horsepower and about 370 ft lbs of that delicious neck breaking torque.
Q: What year is your Civic?
A: Well…my Subaru WRX STI is a 2016 model year. It just has a really steep windshield like a 2006 Civic did.
Q: Do you rally it? Because you have to rally a Subaru.
A: Hell no I don’t rally my car. Why? Because I like my car and I take good care of my shit because I wasn’t raised in a wooden structure where animals reside and learn to read and walk and plot against other animals and completely resemble the plot of the Russian revolution. That’s why.